Needing others is not weakness.. Wake up..: )

Needing others is not a weakness .. Wake up : ) “We need others. We need others to love and we need to be loved by them. There is no doubt that without it, we too, like the infant left alone, would cease to grow, cease to develop, choose madness and even death.” - Leo Buscaglia So as I Contemplate my heart.. I wonder at How I can have such strength and weakness all at the same time... How I can feel strong enough and brave enough at times to go it alone.. And to support and hold others up with this strength.. But to know deep down I have a heart that really needs to share the joys,  the passions, the laughter and the sorrows.    Everyone needs love. I contemplate this as a few fellows whom I consider to be friends have told me in the past few months how intimidating I can be.. What little ole me I say... I couldn't harm a fly..  One fellow told me it was because I seem to have it all together.. ,  i have a good job,  im taking good care of myself,  i have goals...  Whats so wrong with that.   Well in striving to better myself.. I want to be real.. And I most certainly am not perfect... I feel so Much better about myself than I ever have.. But could it be this new confidence that is keeping love at bay.  I believe that eventually it will lead me down the path to true love and happiness...could I be pushing some away with this confidence... Then they r likely not right for me at all.  : )  Saying I can do it on my own might be sending a message to some that they aren't wanted.. Or needed.. That couldn't be farther from the truth... Some guys need to feel wanted and needed..so the story goes... Others thus scares the he'll out of....  What some fail to understand is that just because i can do ok going it alone...  It could be so much better with mutual support and love.    How does one strike a balance... I am being honest when I say I want interdependence.. I think this is balance,  and the only true way to a healthy relationship... To love someone so much that you give them the freedom each of you need to grow and develop...  "don't smother each other,  no one can grow in the shade.  " Leo Bruscaglia  The only fellows more  recently showing any kind of balls about what they want,  are way too young..( or their heart belongs to someone else)   I seem to be a magnet for  graduate students.. But please.. 15 years younger is just way too young.. And to be realistic.. I know they really only could want one thing.. Yes i know im interesting.. That is a description i am quite familiar with.. Its come out of the mouth of these babes.. ( Pun intended lol ).. And others...   And well I want and need more than just sex...(. Don't get me wrong I love sex... But it is so much better on infinite levels....) Being considered interesting is nice but I need and deserve  more than to be a passing fancy.    I know i said I need my heart to be stronger and I thought maybe I needed to go it alone for a while.   Who r we trying to fool heRe.  I am strong and weak and I need people and support and love just as much as everyone else.  I feel really good about a decision I made this last week to support a friend who was going through a tough time,  even though it also hurts.., because it is someone that i thought I was over.. I think I was lying to myself a little.     Deep in my heart I still really would love to be with them,  no I could and would not be opportunistic  and tell them how i felt at a moment of weakness.. I only would want to be with them if they wanted to be with me... Not because of their heartbreak but because they really wanted to be with me..... I believe this showed great strength....I'm not totally there.. But hey.. Nobody wants perfection.. That'd be less than interesting lol.  I am happy for  them that they have found that mutual love and passion...and forgiveness...( at least part of me is anyways).   It gives me hope to find happiness ( and a little pain) in this.  I did say way back when that I am full if contradictions.. I think if u r really deep down honest with yourself... It would be difficult to not find these kind of contradictions when soul searching : ).  So let's end here with a quote here from Leo Bruscaglia...    Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.  So arms wide open here into the great sea..