Posts
Wow...this dating thing really has me wondering some days which end is up. I am pretty confident of what I want and don't want.. or atleast used to think I was..... I am getting alot of attention crazily from 24- 30 year olds...which ofcourse...I find a bit amusing...but just that. I would never go for any of this...especially since I know they really are looking for one thing and one thing only. A man I was dating feels I should embrace life, and with it every flavour of ice cream I can get...if you get my drift...... While I wholeheartedly believe I am embracing life....and love...and want to do this... I don't believe this ever was intended to be in reference to "sex" only... but then again I'm not a man, I don't think with my "dick" ...ok... I guess I don't even think with my vagina... I guess life and some of my decisions would be alot easier if I did. I know that last statement wasn't necessarily fair. It was meant to be a bit tongue n cheek for those that don't really know me. I just know myself Well enough and I really feel that I cannot do this and stay true to myself and who I am spiritually, and emotionally. I may be getting alot of attention, but most of it is not the kind of attention I am after. I do think and feel that man I was dating had some pretty personal motives behind this...though.. I believe he believes that with his heart... he was hoping I would be agreeable to an open relationship... something which I'm not sure I can do. I was hurt that he had decided after a brief commitment...that it was too much ...so he had to call it off... and now he is proposing this. Because of the way I am in relationships... I feel I would become too attached.. and not be able to move on and be with anyone else...
I know there are others interested in me. I want to be able to move forward... so what do I do? Is there ever really anything true about having your cake and eating it too....???!!! Lots to think about. I think for now I will just take it slow, take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time and see what life brings. I don't want to say no to love, or opportunity... but I want to be careful with my heart...and I don't want to be tied to something that will never develop into anything more..... I love myself too much for that. That is almost as bad as staying in a passionless and loveless marriage for too many years to mention.... I deserve better.
