New found freedom

My vow to myself of doing one thing each day that scares the hell out of me...has a new meaning in the last week.   I have forced myself beyond my comfort zone,  and challenged myself,  and my rationalizations about certain social rules.   I have always been one to enjoy concerts, dancing,  going to movies, etc however I often have found it difficult to find friends that are available to do these things,  when I can do them.  Having 4 children,  two with disabilities has meant scheduling my social time around my families needs.   When we were given more respite hours for my eldest son,  I have made certain to claim some of this time as my own so that I can get out and get these personal needs met.   This has contributed to the new found freedom which I have embraced wholeheartedly.   I know that I have the need to get out socially and enjoy myself so that I have restored energy to be able to cope better with some of the tough things I must face in my life.    My workouts are only a small part of this.   I used to be so afraid to do things alone,  and would not do things unless I could find someone to go with me.  This included working out.   I now really enjoy the times I go to the gym on my own to work out.   I likewise have avoided many opportunities for concerts I would have killed to go to,  for the sake of ( because I tend to like obscure music not many have heard of)  just because I could not find someone to join me.   I almost did the same a week ago,  when a good friend of mine said she could no longer make it to a Bedouin Soundclash concert. 
I was disappointed,  and initially thought this meant I would not be going.   I decided to challenge this idea....as I so wanted to go...and thought to myself.  Why is it that I would not go when I knew I would enjoy this so much.   I love being able to share the enjoyment with others,   but when all is said and done...there would be others there to share the enjoyment with....just not others I know yet.   Its often hard for me to meet new people.   My fear here is to do with the awkwardness I sometimes feel in new situations. 
So I went and enjoyed the concert thoroughly,  I danced to the music....and felt great and grateful I had given this gift to myself.   I gave myself permission to no longer be afraid of being alone in these kind of situations.
I have also been able to get out with friends more frequently to do something I enjoy thoroughly, dancing. 
Some of my friends have said they no longer enjoy the bar scene at all,  because its either all about "drinking" or all about "the meat market".   I don't see it like this at all.   With my new found confidence in myself,  my reclaiming of my body as my own,  and healthy attitude and lifestyle...a bonus in all of this is that I am actually "noticed" alot more when I do go out.   While this is flattering,  I take it all with a healthy grain of salt, and a sense of humour.  When I was out the other nite at one such bar someone used a very "funny" pick up line....they said that my eye glasses were "sexy".  I said thank you...and laughed this off...because I thought it was the funniest pick up line I had ever heard.   I know there was alot more that was sexy about me that night...other than my eye glasses.  I make it pretty clear when I am out  that I am there to have fun with friends...and dancing.  I can enjoy the idea that someone else may find me attractive, its not like I am going to do anything with this information except pad my ego a little.      Its all good.   There may be a little bit of "trouble in paradise"  but I am not the kind of person to do anything foolish. So why is it that some of my friends no longer enjoy the night scene.   I believe its all in how you look at it,  and what your purpose is in going out.   I'm not looking for anything at all out of it except for having a good time and dancing.   I have never been one that has needed to get drunk to have a good time,  so I can take or leave the alcohol part of the night.  I think when people are seeking to find someone or something so badly,  the night scene may be a pretty brutal place to be.   I also at times wish there were "dry" nightclubs...but I do feel that this is unrealistic...because many of my friends seem to have the need to have a few drinks to feel "loose" or relaxed enough to dance in public.   I intend to continue to enjoy my "alone" times out,  and times out with old and new friends.  I may still have to challenge the inclings of fear that tug at me initially....but won't succumb to this...because when all is said and done...I know I will have a great time.   I hope my friends can find some joy in going out...maybe even just the simple pleasure of spending time with another friend.  Its all in how you look at it.