Attitude funk...will you please help me out of this?

I am in a bit of an attitude funk and need some help to get out of this.   Since I have been really working hard at gaining some control over my life,  my situation, my feelings   and my health  I have started to really feel a lot better about myself.  One area I have always been hard about with myself is my attitude.  I always try to have a positive outlook,  and sometimes this has gotten me into trouble emotionally.   This is because I haven’t always been totally honest with others about how I am feeling.  I need to find ways to be honest,  without this putting me in a position where it is affecting my attitude.   I want to be genuine about my feelings.  So this is very hard for me,  because it means that in some cases I am speaking my mind about my feelings,  and in turn hearing and feeling the tension this is causing.  It must seem to some others that I am coming across like my bitchy alien twin.   I like myself a lot more this way,  and I feel less internal frustration, however because it has been so long since I have truly been honest with myself and others about my feelings there is a lot of catching up to do.  I am so much more confident about standing my ground.  I am also feeling so much more  in control of my emotions.  This is all good.   There are some things I am still having some trouble owning.   Because I hate conflict…my family life feels a little uncomfortable these days,  but I can’t seem to get a handle on how to do this any other way to feel  I am in control.   I am not as much the “nice girl” I used to be.   That nice girl used to let others trample her, use her and was so very giving.  I still really want to be a giving individual,  but I need to find a way to do so,  so that the others I have relationships don’t expect this is status quo.   I need for the others in my life to know that because I have been so giving,  that I have not accepted their giving and have created a total imbalance.   I am trying to have more balance in my relationships.   This tension is a lot different than the tension I felt when I didn’t speak my mind.   I think its healthier,  but since I have always  been one to avoid conflict like the plague,  my life seems a lot more in conflict.  I also don’t necessarily like what it is doing to my relationship, but only have control over my end of things.   If my partner does not like who I have become that may be a bit of a problem.   I think it would be easier for me to return to the way things were…but though I may have always tried to be positive about things…I wasn’t being honest…or happy for that matter.   I am much happier with the person I am becoming.  I have a couple of friends who have suggested I may not necessarily being fair in some of this.   This is somewhat laughable since being fair is my montra. 

I’ve discussed some of this current dilemma with my counselor.   My counselor actually suggested to me that I have been more than fair,  that the journey I am currently on is about being fair to myself for a change.   I will give you an example of the extent of my fairness plight.   I decided to write a priorities list of things that I feel are priorities that need to be dealt with in order,  and asked my partner to do the same.   Well,  in this list I actually switched priorities and added ones that I didn’t feel were priorities at all consolidating in a way my partners “wish list into this”.   He actually thought this was pretty funny,  and said I could not make a new list that was just  “my priorities list”,  .    

Anyhow as I said I am having some difficulities with my attitude a bit…this is related to feeling that I don’t like our effect on each other.  I do not like the person I had become prior to the changes I made,  but feel I keep getting pulled back into these patterns.  I also can feel fairly strongly the conflict that is occurring and I am not overly enthused about this level of conflict being present in my life,  and my children’s lives.   I don’t like the effect that all of my…what I feel are positive changes to myself  are affecting my relationship. 

So this is how I need help….how do I still remain happy with myself and these changes I’ve made,  when I know its impacting my relationship in a negative way.   Most relationships I believe my new empowerment is improving my relationships,  but I believe it is impacting one key relationship in a not so good way. 

In saying this….I want to be brutally honest that I have no intention or desire to go back to the way things were,  or the way I was but how do I make any sense out of this.   I know my worst fear 1 year and a half ago was that my husband and I were on the verge of separating.   He even mentioned the possibility.  He doesn’t remember doing so,  so it must have been in a heated moment.  Now when I have brought it up he says I shouldn’t bring it up unless I want this to happen. 

This is one of many reasons I feel I have had to go to my counselor on my own,  because this is part of a discussion that  may occur at the counsellor,  but neither one of us are ready to talk about this.  I don’t know where this road will lead.  

I hope I am able to get more comfortable with the conflict that is present in my life,  because I want to be true to myself and my feelings.